To be honest, I’m not entirely sure what this blog post is about so if you are confused and don’t see the point that’s because I don’t have a defined end point in mind.
I just know that I saw this quote and thought that it describes me in a nutshell right now. I’m an over-thinker and an over-talker. I can’t always say what I mean and most of the time that’s because I don’t actually know. I’m dazed and confused. Driven by desires, passions, and the will to do good.
Sometimes my passion conflicts with my will to do good and over powers it. And that’s when I find myself laying in bed, saying to God, “show me what to do”, and hoping for clarity. It’s in those moments when it literally does feel like I’ve fallen down the rabbit hole; I can squint up at the light but I can’t see any way of climbing out into it.
I’m afraid that I’m a terribly confused person with very little of life figured out. And I’m afraid that that hurts people that care about me. And I’m afraid that I’m a person that must learn from experiences that are not ideal and I’m afraid that I can’t change that fact about myself.
I know that sometimes I learn lessons the hard way but at least I learn them, right?
I guess what I’m trying to say is that even though I walk around with my head in the clouds a lot of the time, I really am trying to find my footing here on earth. Just trying to see where I stand in God’s plan for His world.
Sometimes we fall into rabbit holes because our minds have gone for a stroll without giving our feet any clear directions about where they’re supposed to be walking. That’s okay too.