I talk a good talk about how I think people ought to conduct themselves. I have firm convictions about what I think is right and wrong. I have expectations for myself and others that I believe should be met…until I have to make a decision.

When it comes right down to it, when people are looking to me for an answer, when I have to decide how I really feel, I falter. All of my principles go out the window. Everything that I use to organize my life crumbles and I’m thrown into the depths of chaos.

I’m weak. I collapse under the weight of my own and others expectations.

And most unfortunately, I pull people into that chaotic place with me. I avoid the hard things. I talk and talk until I can’t anymore and rapidly drive my train of thought right onto the ice where I’m bound to sink.

I want to do the easy thing. I want to do the thing that hurts people, and eventually myself.

Yes, you read that correctly. I’d like to say that I’m not in the business of hurting people that I care about but I am. I do it all the time. And yes I know that being a human means that we mess up. We hurt people. People hurt us. It’s all part of life.

But when it’s your fault that someone else is disappointed, hurt, angry…fill in the blank, it sucks. And it hurts you too.

So what do we do? I’m still trying to figure this one out.

I know I’ve written a blog post similar to this before which just goes to show that I have a lot to work on in this area.

So far all I know is that it’s important to be honest. Honest with yourself about realistic expectations. And honest with other people about whether or not you are going to be able to meet their expectations. This is key to any successful relationship. It can be hard to be honest. Sometimes even honesty can hurt. But in the end I think it’s better to have been the person that confidently declared their thoughts while they still knew them than passively allowing the situation/relationship to progress and allowing confusion to set in for all parties involved.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I wish there wasn’t so much ambiguity in our world. I wish that I wasn’t so scared of my actions and feelings affecting others. I wish I was stronger. I wish I could never hurt another human heart.

I’ve got some work to do. But I have learned this much thus far. Unfortunately, my track record suggests that I may have another post like this in my future. I’ll try to keep working on this and sharing what little wisdom I have.

If anyone has any advice to offer me here, that would be cool.


2 thoughts on “Expectations

  1. Time

    Taking your time is also something you can try. Your very first paragraph talks about how you know how to talk the talk, but when it’s is time to walk the walk you can’t deliver. That’s because whenever you are hit with a big decision at first you’re in shock, kinda of like when you get in an accident the first couple seconds, minutes, even hours are spent with your body trying to figure out what just happened. During that time of shock, your body has trouble functioning normally, as if your body all of a sudden forgot how to walk, or even breathe. The same thing happens when making a decision. A big decision puts you on the spot and throws you into a sort of “mental shock”. During that time, you mind is just mostly trying to figure out what happened. In that time, your mind forgets even basic limits, expectations, and morals you may have set for yourself. My pastor told me a good way on how to make a good decision. First and foremost, make sure you take you’re time. Making a hasty decision (one-two days), is never enough to look at and review all the consequences. Long-term(week +) meditation and prayer is a better option. Some other things my pastor mentioned was clearing your mind and talking it over with close ones. Clearing your mind helps you remember the basic expectations, limits, and morals you set for yourself so you can make a better decision and walk the walk you talk about, and talking it over with close ones helps remove bias that may be hiding in the shadows. Hope this helps!

  2. Thanks for the tips! That so does help. A lot of mistakes can be made via hasty decisions. I find that most of the time when I make a decision on a whim, it’s not what my heart really wants.

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