“But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to?”
That right there^^ Yea, I feel that.
Sometimes I feel like I am in a constant battle. A battle where I tell God my desires and He takes them under consideration and says, “Okay Sarah, but what about this instead?” So I sigh and say, “Alrighty then God, if that’s what you say.”
But gee, what kind of a Christian am I? Should it really be that big of a deal for me to spend an extra hour talking to a friend when I know I should be studying? Should it really be that big of a deal for me to give a little extra money to a needy cause? Should it really be that big of a deal for me to give up 7 weeks of my summer to an organization that needs teachers? I say no! That’s not a big deal. That’s called sacrifice. And it’s not anywhere near what my Savior did for me. And it’s basically the bare minimum of what I should be doing.
BUT sometimes I just don’t want to have to do the right thing. I don’t want to have to tell the boy no- I like his attention. I don’t want to listen to my parents. I don’t want to have to have it together all the time. I don’t always want to dress and act like I should- I want to go out and party and make mistakes and ‘live’. I don’t want to have to be smart about how I spend my money- I want to splurge.
Okay, there is a point to my whining here so bear with me. God is working in me. I know that because of how confused I feel. I know it because sometimes it hurts. But there are moments when I catch a small small glimpse of what He’s doing in my life and wow- it’s going to be pretty beautiful from the looks of it.
I guess the point of this post was to let you know that you don’t have to be perfect to be a Christian or to be a follower of Jesus. His disciples weren’t the most upstanding. They were slow learners, selfish, inattentive and doubtful. Those adjectives all describe me. I know a lot of people who could attest to being the same way. But God doesn’t need a whole lot to work with. Give Him a little faith and He’ll take care of the rest.
I guess we can expect it to hurt because sometimes the Truth does that. And I guess we can expect to be confused because God’s ways are much too high for us to even comprehend. Kind of like how I feel when I look at Algebra x 5,000.
If you feel like you’re struggling to live your faith daily, to rid yourself of doubt, to comprehend God’s will for you, to be unselfish in your desires and actions… You’re not alone. You’re among friends.