Control.

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Sarah’s latest revelation, comin’ atcha…

I’m a little bit of a control freak. Anyone who knows me knows that. And I think deep down even the most laid back person you know has a control freak inside of them.

I did not come to this revelation on my own, nor do I think I ever would have. But there’s this thing I do in my life when I make a decision and it’s called worry about everyone else and pretend like my decisions have momentous impact on their lives.

Newsflash to me: I’m responsible for me, not them. AND I’m not that important. My decisions don’t control their actions.

I guess I just agonize about my decisions because I feel responsible for other’s well being. I feel like I need to show them what’s right, do what’s best for everyone. How ironic considering how often I do things wrong and don’t even do what’s best for myself.

I cannot choose the path that someone must take. I can’t decide what God’s will is for them. In fact, when I do, I’m letting the little god inside of me take over and then can’t do whatever it is that God is willing me to do.

Ultimately, I can only seek God’s will for my life and make decisions that further it. And when I don’t, it’s no one’s fault but my own. Maybe when I do things wrong, I help lead someone astray. But maybe I’m not the boss of them. Maybe when I do something right and preach about it to someone I positively influence them. But maybe it’s not in my power to control their actions.

I am in no way saying that we ought not to take responsibility for our actions. Not at all. We are responsible for our own self-control. I am saying that we are not responsible for the actions of  others.

I guess it goes back to that thing people always say about teens, that they’re not as big a deal as they think they are.

I’m not in control. You’re not in control. God is in control.

I need to be reminded of this every. single. day. Because I really ride the struggle bus on this one, friends.

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