If you’re looking for an angsty teenager post about break ups then I invite you to please go away now. Because believe it or not, this post is not about how my ex is an asshole. And I’m not going to bore you with the details of the expiration of our love story. They’re too sappy and the only one who cares about them is me and frankly, I’m getting pretty sick of the whole story myself.
Because I’m a creature that incessantly pins quotable quotes to my designated Pinterest board daily, let me introduce one that suits this topic of discussion beautifully: “When a person does something wrong, don’t forget all of the things that they did right.”
This can be true of forgiving anyone of a wrong deed, whether it directly affected you or not. I am applying this quote to my break up, call me a cheese ball if you wish. Throughout the process of the past few months, people have said to me things like “he’s an ass, you deserve better” or “someday you’ll find a nice guy that puts you first” (don’t even get me started on that one!) or “he didn’t even treat you like he loved you” (isn’t that a kicker?).
I don’t know if I can possibly articulate just how much these kind of “encouragements” piss me off. While they are coming from a place of good intentions, they are total BS.
GUESS WHAT: Yes, I had a break up- old news. Yep, the old ticker is still broken- but slowly on the mend. Yes, I did want to hate him for a while- but I don’t. Yes I did love him and yes I still do. Yes I thought he was the greatest and yes I do still think he is a great person. And NO that will not change just because of something that went wrong.
I loathe when people are so “in love” with a person while said person is doing everything for them and being nice to them. But the second things go sour, they get berated with a full account of every wrong thing they ever did, every flaw, and every name in the book. It’s just not fair and honestly, it’s stupid. If you love someone, and I mean the kind of love that cares deeply and unselfishly about them as a quality human being, then you do not hate them just because they changed their mind, made a mistake, or hurt you (because news flash- that’s what humans do and that’s the risk you take when you love a human).
Instead, in the midst of the angst, I would invite everyone to take two logical seconds to remember that this person has made a mistake but that they have done a lot of things right.
Think about those things and be thankful for them. Show them grace for their mistake or their change of heart. Forgive them as soon as you can and let them know that they’re forgiven (it’ll be best for everyone). And then try your best to heal from your brokenness and learn something from the experience.
Right now, that’s all I’ve got. But this is my campaign to end the business of hating exes.