Things I’m learning

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Hello and welcome to the life of Sarah. Flawed human being, broken, striving for ‘success’ just like everyone else and riding the struggle bus all the way. I’ve been learning a lot about myself lately due to some unfortunate occurrences in a relationship that was supposed to last forever. There is something in life that I want more than anything and that is love. True love, exciting love, fantastic love where both people are invested in the future of the other. I’m searching and searching and just when I think I’ve found it, love changes its mind on me again. The following is a quote that I have found encouraging: fantastic.

While I disagree with the part that states that we are already perfect, I think this quote has a lot of truth to offer us. We are made to learn about love and do our best at exhibiting what love really is. Our Savior showed us the ultimate unconditional, perfect love when he died on the cross for us. He still shows us this love every day. We seek it from others but we also seek to emulate this love. Yes, we are going to mess up- and that is OKAY. Because guess why, we are provided with an unbelievable supply of grace.

I also think the part of the quote that talks about feeling fully and being present is profound. I think feeling fully, all of the emotions that life has to offer is part of the experience. And through all of that, it’s important to be yourself. Because that’s enough. We are enough.

I’m having a hard time grasping that I am enough. Break ups have a tendency to bring about feelings of inadequacy. Why wasn’t I good enough? When did I stop being what he wanted? What did I do to deserve this? Why can’t I make it better? Like the song, “if what we had was real how could you be fine?” I’ll never be good enough for anyone else. I’m not good enough for the kind of relationship that I’m looking for.

But I am slowly learning that we really don’t have to be perfect, and that sometimes we won’t be enough for people because maybe we aren’t what they really need. Maybe they aren’t what WE really need.  I think we all try way too hard. Love is easy, people aren’t.

My recommendation is that we all live the best we can and enjoy doing it. That we mess up and mess up again and accept the grace and love that we don’t deserve but that is so willingly given to us in abundant supply. Let’s feel as fully as we can, the good and the bad- as hard as that may be. Sometimes all I really want to do is not feel at all, just so the ache will go away.

Let me tell you, I’m not preaching here. I’m simply explaining what very little I know and what I’m working on.

Like someone that I think quite a lot of once told me very recently, “life is good, living is better.”

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